So THANKFUL for our agency..

As Cody and I are walking through this adoption process I am constantly OVERWHELMINGLY thankful for our agency, Buckner International.  The work they do with not only orphans, but with people around the world makes my heart happy.  Cody is taking a group of college students on a mission trip with them in May to Kenya.  They have a permanent presence in Kenya...Im so excited Cody gets to go, see, and be a part of this. 

Yesterday we had another training at the agency.  It was on meds and the requirements, etc.  We have to lock everything up and do all kinds of crazy things.  The more I go to these classes I think, "why dont all parents have to take these?"  HAHA! Its pretty useful information.  As I walked in the room my eyes met this BEAUTIFUL little hispanic girl.  The foster family she lives with was there getting updated on the medication class.  The family is a couple in their late 60's that foster children on a regular basis.  They have adopted a little girl who is now 8.  This couple BLEW ME AWAY.  Here they are at the age where most people are so excited to not have children at home and they are still a revolving door for children who need so badly to be loved on.  It was amazing and so encouraging.  Cody walked in a little later than me and when he came in the little girl just started waving and smiling at him...it was precious.  I think I paid more attention to her during the class than the actual teacher...Im pretty sure Cody did too.  Through talking to the family we found out a little bit about her.  She is 21 months old and has been living with the couple for about 4 months.  It was heart breaking to hear how angry she was at the world when she was placed with them.  To hear how even at that age children can be hurt by whats around them.  My heart broke for her right there in that room, and in the midst of the breaking...there was some falling in love too. They began to tell us how she was up for adoption, and were not sure if any families were looking at her.  I think my heart lept out of my chest.  I began to pray to myself immediately that my emotions would CALM DOWN.  This is the FIRST child we have seen since we have began this process.  And what was happening was exactly what I have been SO scared about.  That I would fall in love with every child I see and when I can't take them home, or when they do come home with me and have to go back to their parents, that I would be heart broken...or Cody would have to send me to a mental institution.  So it was the beginning of the rollar coaster of emotions i know are yet to come.  And to be honest, it really really scared me.  It scared the mess out of me.  I began to question if I can handle this, if we are doing the right thing.  In the my ounce of weakness, Satan gained a mile.  So, my eyes were opened at how I need to toughen up.  But, I still cant get my mind off of that precious little girl.  I want to email our social worker, but I dont know what to say.  I dont know if its still my emotions leading or God is nudging at my heart.

Well, guess Im officially on the coaster now.  Hope Im the same person when I get off.  :)